inspiration08

i’m not really sure it serves any real purpose. i mean, yes, i suppose that there are an abundance of situations when we feel justified in being angry, and probably for many of them it is justified, but really, what’s the point? does it feel good? personally, i think not. does it serve any useful purpose? for the most part, again, i think i’d have to say not. it just leads to more negativity, ill feelings and in some cases, hatred. and really, is any of that useful? is it beneficial to you? is it beneficial to other people?

if you are angry at someone else, what is the benefit in telling them off? for a few brief moments, there is a kind of a sense of satisfaction, but that rarely lasts and is that really happy? again, i think not. for me, peaceful and happy seem to go hand in hand and anger seems to have little to do with either one. and if you’re angry at yourself for doing something you know you shouldn’t have, again, what’s the point? does it feel good? more importantly, does it help you? when was the last time you beat yourself up over eating something bad for you? did it help? chances are, probably not. seems to me like it just leads to a negative self image and then onto more bad eating… then beating yourself up some more and then to more bad eating… not such a nice cycle. doesn’t work for you. well, probably doesn’t work for you. probably won’t work with other people as well.

so… if anger isn’t good, then what? just in my opinion, patience and humor. and probably a fair dose of compassion. and when all else fails, go for tolerence. again, this is just my opinion. i know i used to be a rather angry person- things would set me off quickly and even if nothing set me off exactly, there was always a… kind of a hard edge, i suppose. there was a feeling of power and energy in some ways, but was i happy? definately not. did i have friends? actually, yes, i did. and a lot of times we’d stew in out anger together. bonding experience, i suppose. BUT- i can honestly say i’m a lot happier now than i was then. and the friendships i have now are a lot healthier than they were then. that’s not to say things are always peachy and i never get upset- i do. and i was today. but i know that the intense feeling that i used to have and the feeling i had today were a lot different. the point of all my ramblings i suppose is patience, campassion and humor for not just our friends and family, but for ourselves and strangers as well. the point is to be happy, no?

second day and i’m feeling pretty good about things. well, good about eating and exercising. i’m up to 123. that’s about where i was this time last year, and about 7 pounds heavier than i was this winter. not so good. BUT- i’ll get back down and i’ll get to goal. i feel… good about things at the moment. didn’t overeat today which is a first in way too long, got in 30 minutes of latin dance and thirty minutes of yoga and although things wern’t perfect, i think my head is finally in the right place.

1. don’t buy any junk food. i’m not saying i won’t eat any, but i’m not going to buy it myself. that’ll cut down most if not all of it.

2. cook at least three times this week. and at least one new recipe.

3. three servings of fruit and three servings of veggies every day.

4. 3 liters of water every day.

5.keep a food journal

6. at least thirty minutes of a different exercise every day this week. i’m hoping to get in more than just thirty, but that’s the minimum. i’ve cooked once, but that’s all right. i’m going to cook again on thursday… possible tomorrow.

well.. those were the goals and things haven’t been going so great. i bought a single serving of ice cream and some a small bad of oreos today. not so good.  three servings of fruit and veggies… not totally sre about that one because i haven’t been doing #5 at all. might have gotten that in, but i’m really not sure. and i know i haven’t gotten in three liters of water a day. as for the exercise, i’m not really getting that done either. saturday i felt dead so i just went for a walk, sunday i didn’t do a thing, yesterday i went cycling and then again today, i went cycling. humm… i’m really not keeping up with things. i can get in the 30 minutes of exercise and water today though. i think… i’ll try going for a jog in a bit. and i know i can drink water. and tomorrow- i’m going to get all of them!

 well, it’s monday and so far i have managed to keep up with goal #1- don’t buy junk, #2- cook at least twice- one down, two to go, possibly #3- about 90% sure i’ve done this, not #4- i think i might have managed yesterday, but i’m going to be short today and not a chance with #5. and i could have sworn i wrote down a goal of doing a different exercise every day of the week for at least 30 minutes… going to fail that one for today. it’s 11:45 pm and i haven’t gotten it in, but i will do something before i go to sleep.  that’s where things stand at the moment… i will continue to get better throughout the week though. bike ride tomorrow, weather allowing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05ip-N0H1Ig  <— not weight loss related at all, but kind of cool

 one of the pics i took when biking

 i started from the city below!! pretty happy about getting up that on my but comming down was the hard part- i don’t think i’ve ever been so cold on a bike before!! wind chill sucked!! but it was worth it

 the beginning of rice pllanting season- again, taken while on a bike ride

 my first overnight biking/camping trip! lol- it was only about 45 minutes from my place though… probably a good thing because i forgot the stupid bike lock (with my keys still in it!!) at the camp. luckly i had a spare key to my apartment so i could get in, drop my stuff, shower, and go retrive my keys. damn i’m an idiot at times

 sunset when camping

 just in case you wern’t sure how to use the toilet…

sakura (cherry blossoms) in april

 a public “foot bath” on my 100 k cycling trip… you’ll occationally see these around japan. basically it’s just a shallow pool of hot spring water to soak your feet in. felt great!

well, this last week saw some improvements and some… well, not so improved things. like the potato chips. or the ice cream. or the cake. but i did see (and eat) a lot more fruit and veggies and i got in a lot more water, and i started doing things other than just biking, so it wasn’t all bad. and i figured this week, i’m going to make a list of what it is i want to get done, then go back at the end of the week and see how much i actually accomplished! i seem to forget that last part so the whole making goals for the week king of loses it’s effectiveness. so! without further adu, the goals.

1. don’t buy any junk food. i’m not saying i won’t eat any, but i’m not going to buy it myself. that’ll cut down most if not all of it.

2. cook at least three times this week. and at least one new recipe.

3. three servings of fruit and three servings of veggies every day.

4. 3 liters of water every day.

5.keep a food journal

6. at least thirty minutes of a different exercise every day this week. i’m hoping to get in more than just thirty, but that’s the minimum.

tonight’s my sunday night, so back to work tomorrow! this weekend was fun- not the best food-wise, but that’s all right. toru is going to leave for brasil on the 15th… i’m really going to miss him. he’s been basically my family while i’ve been here in japan… i want to cry just thinking about him not being here. but… it was bound to happen eventually. he needs to do his thing, and i need to do mine. and right now, that just means we’re not together. lol- that and the fact that we “broke up” a year ago. funny thing about that is the relationship between the two of us has probably gotten better this last year. anyway, got to spend most of thursday with him and then a little of this morning, got in a good bike ride, saw another of my friends for dinner, bought cheese (can’t find it in the grocery stores here so easily), and taught a private lesson. all in all a fun weekend. lol- not looking foward to dealing with the manager tomorrow though- they had me work hours then didn’t pay me for it, randomly cut other hours but not enough to make up for it, then they decided to close the school for two days and gave us a “paid holiday” which is comming out of the ten i get for the year… so it’s not really a paid day off, it’s more like they are choosing which days i’m taking my paid days off. not making me happy as i already had plans for those. and the woman is an idiot. fun, fun!! eh, shouldn’t be so harsh. well, hope every one has a great weekend!

i just can’t quite seem to get myself together lately food-wise, exercise-wise or for that matter, anything-wise. i was doing pretty well today- then had a chocolate bar and went out with my co-workers and ate stuff that i didn’t really need. didn’t eat too much, but more than was necessary and it wasn’t what i needed to do. i’m sick of this not doing what needs to be done and eating junk i don’t need. i also didn’t get much of a workout in at all, and i’m not even sure i would call what i did a workout. i think i got in 15 minutes of weights, and that’s it. i needed to get some chores done today, and i did get them done, but i’m really sick of myself not doing what i know i could be doing. i really have no excuese (i think i spelled that wrong). i keep saying tomorrow’s a new day! and then doing the same thing, again. tomorrow… i’m just going to try my best. i’m going to try and do better than i did today, and keep working at it. i’m not going to give up, but i do need to work at this harder.

i came home from dinner tonight feeling not so happy. we went out for dinner at an izakaya b/cit was my co-workers last day tomorrow- that part was great, but good grief, that woman does not know when to stop ordering food!! not too happy about that because i had to pay half the bill (only three of us) and damnit, i’m trying to save money. sigh. my own fault, i guess, i should have sain my limit before going, i just didn’t expect her to order so much food!! there was at least one dish no one even touched and another two that were mostly still there… ah well. did have a good time though

but… when i opened up my email, the first story was another plane crash. i feel so sorry for those people and their families. i just hope that those people didn’t suffer… just scary and so sad. i think that has to be one of my biggest fears- crashing into the ocean. i know every time i’ve come here or gone back home, it’s 14 hours of misery and anxiety. i just hope everyone’s souls are at peace now. really makes me think about how trivial my day to day worries really are… all the more reason to focus on what it is i need to be doing and just do it. hope everyone is doing good and take care

well, i’m up 1.3 pounds from last week. not good! i really blew it last week on the exercise, and i could have done better with the food. i’ve been drinking way too much whole milk and there’s been way too many carbs comming from white rice and bread. time to cut that back out. so the goal for this week-

don’t but any more milk, white bread or junk food

journal food and water

plan meals

exercise at least 30 minutes every day- cycling, swimming, running, weights, yoga, dance… just something!!

get in at least three servings of fruits and veggies a day

eat more lean protein! not eating enough of that 

so far today i’ve had a piece of white toast with butter and honey, and a carrot. humm… not the best start.

well… this week hasn’t been the best. i caved the other day on food… so back to day 1 of 14 days of no junk! and i haven’t gotten much exercise in this week…  not happy about that either. going to go for a bike ride and a walk tonight and back on track tomorrow!

on another note… i’m just burnt. i’m trying leaving toyama (the place in japan i’m living now) so i’m trying to get everything sorted out now so i don’t have to do things at the last minute… and dad and i are going ona 7 week bike ride across japan and sorting out the details on that… really looking foward to everything, but good grief, i’m just tired of it!! lol. cry me a river, huh? ok. that’s enough of that. hope everyone is doing good!

humm… well, i’m not sure if i should really count today as a success or not. had a great day out with my friend- we took a train into the mountains and did some hiking around, saw a couple monkeys and then went for dinner. dinner was great… at first. sukiyaki love the stuff!! it’s kind of like a stew? kind of… basically it’s a ton of veggies and tofu and some paper thin sliced meat boiled in soy/sake/mirin/water eaten straight out of the dish. lol- and dipped in raw egg. took me a while to work up the courage to do that, but i’d say i’ve turned at least half japanese food-wise. kind of strange here- i’m not sure why, but there isn’t such a problem with salmanila (i think that’s spelled wrong) in the eggs here. anyway, my friend decided to add some more sugar to the soup base (didn’t bother asking and we were eating out of the same pot) and ughh!! it was awful!! really didn’t want to eat so much sugar but the want to not hurt my friend was greater. i know that it’s my choice and that friends should understand, and i agree with that. unfortunately, sometimes the way things work and the way things should be just aren’t the same and it just wouldn’t have been worth the trouble this time. and then they gave us ice cream afterwards. i think the ball of ice cream couldn’t have been much more than an inch and a half in diameter… lol- why do i sound like i’m trying to justify this? probably ’cause i am. but man, if anything, i just want to avoid sugar more than anything because my stomach still feels foul.

 well, tomorrow’s another day and the weather should be good, so it’s going to be me on my bike!! it’s almost kind of sad how much i’m looking foward to that. hope everyone else is doing great!!