inspiration08

i just can’t quite seem to get myself together lately food-wise, exercise-wise or for that matter, anything-wise. i was doing pretty well today- then had a chocolate bar and went out with my co-workers and ate stuff that i didn’t really need. didn’t eat too much, but more than was necessary and it wasn’t what i needed to do. i’m sick of this not doing what needs to be done and eating junk i don’t need. i also didn’t get much of a workout in at all, and i’m not even sure i would call what i did a workout. i think i got in 15 minutes of weights, and that’s it. i needed to get some chores done today, and i did get them done, but i’m really sick of myself not doing what i know i could be doing. i really have no excuese (i think i spelled that wrong). i keep saying tomorrow’s a new day! and then doing the same thing, again. tomorrow… i’m just going to try my best. i’m going to try and do better than i did today, and keep working at it. i’m not going to give up, but i do need to work at this harder.

i came home from dinner tonight feeling not so happy. we went out for dinner at an izakaya b/cit was my co-workers last day tomorrow- that part was great, but good grief, that woman does not know when to stop ordering food!! not too happy about that because i had to pay half the bill (only three of us) and damnit, i’m trying to save money. sigh. my own fault, i guess, i should have sain my limit before going, i just didn’t expect her to order so much food!! there was at least one dish no one even touched and another two that were mostly still there… ah well. did have a good time though

but… when i opened up my email, the first story was another plane crash. i feel so sorry for those people and their families. i just hope that those people didn’t suffer… just scary and so sad. i think that has to be one of my biggest fears- crashing into the ocean. i know every time i’ve come here or gone back home, it’s 14 hours of misery and anxiety. i just hope everyone’s souls are at peace now. really makes me think about how trivial my day to day worries really are… all the more reason to focus on what it is i need to be doing and just do it. hope everyone is doing good and take care

well, i’m up 1.3 pounds from last week. not good! i really blew it last week on the exercise, and i could have done better with the food. i’ve been drinking way too much whole milk and there’s been way too many carbs comming from white rice and bread. time to cut that back out. so the goal for this week-

don’t but any more milk, white bread or junk food

journal food and water

plan meals

exercise at least 30 minutes every day- cycling, swimming, running, weights, yoga, dance… just something!!

get in at least three servings of fruits and veggies a day

eat more lean protein! not eating enough of that 

so far today i’ve had a piece of white toast with butter and honey, and a carrot. humm… not the best start.

well… this week hasn’t been the best. i caved the other day on food… so back to day 1 of 14 days of no junk! and i haven’t gotten much exercise in this week…  not happy about that either. going to go for a bike ride and a walk tonight and back on track tomorrow!

on another note… i’m just burnt. i’m trying leaving toyama (the place in japan i’m living now) so i’m trying to get everything sorted out now so i don’t have to do things at the last minute… and dad and i are going ona 7 week bike ride across japan and sorting out the details on that… really looking foward to everything, but good grief, i’m just tired of it!! lol. cry me a river, huh? ok. that’s enough of that. hope everyone is doing good!

humm… well, i’m not sure if i should really count today as a success or not. had a great day out with my friend- we took a train into the mountains and did some hiking around, saw a couple monkeys and then went for dinner. dinner was great… at first. sukiyaki love the stuff!! it’s kind of like a stew? kind of… basically it’s a ton of veggies and tofu and some paper thin sliced meat boiled in soy/sake/mirin/water eaten straight out of the dish. lol- and dipped in raw egg. took me a while to work up the courage to do that, but i’d say i’ve turned at least half japanese food-wise. kind of strange here- i’m not sure why, but there isn’t such a problem with salmanila (i think that’s spelled wrong) in the eggs here. anyway, my friend decided to add some more sugar to the soup base (didn’t bother asking and we were eating out of the same pot) and ughh!! it was awful!! really didn’t want to eat so much sugar but the want to not hurt my friend was greater. i know that it’s my choice and that friends should understand, and i agree with that. unfortunately, sometimes the way things work and the way things should be just aren’t the same and it just wouldn’t have been worth the trouble this time. and then they gave us ice cream afterwards. i think the ball of ice cream couldn’t have been much more than an inch and a half in diameter… lol- why do i sound like i’m trying to justify this? probably ’cause i am. but man, if anything, i just want to avoid sugar more than anything because my stomach still feels foul.

 well, tomorrow’s another day and the weather should be good, so it’s going to be me on my bike!! it’s almost kind of sad how much i’m looking foward to that. hope everyone else is doing great!!

i wrote on the wildcat’s forum that i was going to go 14 days without junk, and i’d say day one was a success. probably overdid it a bit on the cheese, but all in all, i’d say i did well. tomorrow’s not going to be easy… meeting up with a friend and we usually get sweets when we’re out… going to try REALLY hard not to cave tomorrow.

really looking foward to friday… all day by myself on my bike! can’t even begin to explain the joy to be had from that. and good grief, i am a dork!!

well, the bike ride wasn’t quite what i was hoping it would be, but all in all, a good learning experience. lol- better next time. suffice to say, i’m alive, healthy, and dead tired. and i think if i continue writing, no one’s going to understand it ’cause it’ll be an incoherent mess or i’ll just ramble on for the length of a short novel and it still won’t make any sense. so i’ll save it for another day. and hopefully i can figure out how to get pics onto my computer… didn’t want to work for me last time. stupid computer. or stupid me. probably stupid me. lol- didn’t have hot water the other day. an electrician came by and needed to turn off the electricity for a few minutes… ok, not a big deal. turned it off, then turned it back on and everything seemed ok. went to take a shower and… no hot water. wasn’t happy about that. washed my hair with ice cold water and heated up some water for a sponge bath before work, then told my co-corker the problem (she’s japanese so can speak it fluently- i can get by, but i’m not sure i’d be able to explain the problem over the phone) and she called the electric company. they came back out while i was at work and said they fixed things. well, get home that night and… no hot water! at this point it’s been a long day (crap at work and a delayed train… and forgot my train pass, so that was 10 dollare wasted) and i’m about to cry with frusteration (and that was also the beginning of my weekend- so no more help from said coworker and first day back is sat… electric co. isn’t over the weekend so that would make 4 days with no hot water… wasn’t looking foward to that) and then… something clicked. i checked the hot water thermostat box and sure enough… it wasn’t on. pushed the blue “on” button and sure enough… hot water’s nice and cozy. ahh… i love being a genious at times. and i forgot my house keys/bike lock at the campsite this morning. had to go back to get them. lol- so probably not stupid computer. probably stupid me, no? lol- ok, i think i’ve done enough rambling (lack of sleep, what??) so… i’m down a pound for the week!! time to go to bed. night everyone!

well… here i go! off for my first multi-day cycling trip :) lol- not going to be as spectacular as i was hoping, but that’s probably for the best. i was planning to do about 200k in two days, but thanks to mother nature, i just couldn’t get out this morning. so… the revised plan is to just get in a couple hours today, camp, and then hopefully about 100k tomorrow. kind of nervous… i’ve never done anything like this. little intimidating, but i suppose that since i’m really not going to be that far away from my apartment (only an hour or so by the short route, planning on taking the long way there though) if things aren’t great, i can always come home. good way to just test the water, i suppose. lol- really though? all i want to do is to go to sleep right now!! my heads in a fog still, my back hurts (thanks TOM!) and my arms are sore (finally did some upper body training after about three months) and… and… lol. looking foward to this. well, that’s that all i’ll check in when i get back! hope everyone’s good

thanks to all of you who commented on my last blog. not going to lie and say i’m all sunshine today, but i am feeling better than i was. i’ll get over it, it’ll just take time. got in an hour and a half ride today- that was fun!! going out again tomorrow and then on thurs, providing mother nature doesnm’t decide to be in a bad mood… first overnight biking trip!! i am so looking foward to that. a little nervous, but i’ll be ok. lol- i hope.

today… not perfect as far as food, but i did get lots of veggies and fruit in. pudding and muffin as well though. that part wasn’t so good. just leaves room for improvement tomorrow, i suppose.

it’s 1:30 am and i’m just feeling… broken. i need to get some sleep. i haven’t gotten any exercise for the last three days and i really want to get out on my bike tomorrow. some days i just wish i could curl up and and have someone hold me and tell me things really are ok… funny thing though, i know that they are. i know things are ok. i know that i’ll be happy soon enough and i know that no, the world really isn’t ending. but right now? i just feel like curling up and crying myself to sleep. i think tom’s comming for a visit soon and that, along with having seen my ex yesterday/ this morning is just reaking havoc on my emotions right now. sigh. good grief…