inspiration08

well, nothing too profound, (i think i misspelled that- hey! there’s a spellchecker on this thing? lol- i’m slow!!) but i think i’m skipping the pool tonight. i want to get it in, but… i’ve still got a stuffy nose and my sinuses hurt and i’m not sure that the pool would help that at all. so- i think i’m just going to go for so dvdx at home. and it’s been a while since i’ve done my core rhythms dvd, so it’s all good, i suppose. lol- and some yoga and some cardio. it’ll be good.

humm… i was supposed to be going on a month long bike ride with my dad and then on to costa rica for a volunteer program starting in may, but i ended up postponing it until september. not happy about that, but i think it’s for the best. i’m not ready for the bike trip and i’d like to save up a little more money before i go to costa rica, but damn, i want to go and i want to go now! patience. it’s for the best. sigh. maybe i can find an online class about sustainability or conservation, that’ll tie me over, i suppose. there’s just so much that needs to be done to fix this mess we’re in! looking at it almost seems hopeless in a lot of ways… we aren’t cutting emissions like we should, which is dumping more CO2 into the environment, which is getting absorbed into the oceans, so the CO2 level in the oceans are rising, so animals can’t make shell like they should, which is going to help kill phytoplankton, which provides about 50% of our oxygen, but fish poo can help neutralize the CO2, but we’re overfishing so the fish aren’t even in the ocean to help like they should be, not to mention the modern day industrial farming that’s destroying land and water with the fertilizer and pesticides, and creating a massive dead zone in the gulf, further aggrivating the problem, and you can’t forget the meat industry which is producing about as much, if not more greenhouse gasses, than all the cars we drive. and that’s just the start. BUT- i want to do what i can to try and help, i don’t want to just sit here on my butt! deep breath. right, so i’m going to go lay down for a while and then go workout. and then try to figure out how to save the world form itsself

in a lot of ways, i love being in japan. however- i think i’ve been sick more here than i was the whole time in the US, and that’s saying a lot, i haven’t been here that long! it’s not terrible, so i can function, but damn, it’s not how i like to feel and it sure makes sleeping hard, hence the blogging at 2am. i didn’t get in any real exercise today… a couple short walks and an awesome ab workout from from blowing my nose about every 5 minutes. but i got in another 5k swim yesterday, so i’m not going to complain too much. and i’ll have time to do something tomorrow, so that’s something at least. just wish i could sleep! ok- i suppose the i’m not going to complain too much was a bit of a lie, that’s been the whole blog so far.

on another note… i’ve been reading a book the omnivore’s delimma. read it! it’s absolutely facinating and incredably informative as well. it’s kind of a look at the commercial food industry and it’s effect on us and the environment and it talks a bit about gov’t policy as well… ok, so i’m not making it sound interisting, but really, it is! read it! and for anyone out there who wants to eat better, i think reading this’ll really help. anyway, i’ll probably be blogging about this until everyone, or at least a few people, read it, so i’m going to stop there and go read some blogs. i’ve got a lot of catching up to do! :) 

ughh… i feel like i have absolutaly no energy right now! i want to get in some king of exercise before i go to work today, so maybe i’ll crawl back into bed for a few minutes and then do it. blah! well, i got in my 150 push ups yesterday, but i also got in three chocolate truffles and corn chips so- no sweets today! and water. i need to get in at least 3L of water. i haven’t been doing that lately and ever so slowly the scale has been creeping up… not what i want! ah, crap. lovely planning, kid! lol… i think i’m washing all  of my sports bras right now. maybe that was my subconcious plan so i would have to do anything? good grief. i will some exercise in today. i think at this point i might be trying to convince myself? right. so- 3L of water, some form of exercise, healthy eating and 2L od coffee to wake my ass up.

i got in a 5k swim today! ahh… that felt great! i’ve been wanting to do that for quite a while and finally, finally, i did it! of course, now i’m starving and all i want to do is EAT! funny though, after working out all i want are veggies and the like, but before… that’s a whole different story. why? why can’t i remember how much i like veggies before i workout instead of only after? all i can do at this point is shake my head at myself. hell, right now the thought of eating sweets sounds rather unappealing but before i went swimming tonight all i was wanting was junk, so i ended up eating a white chocolate covered energy bar and two packages of pocky. never learn, will i? lol, maybe the trick is to just always workout? well, baby steps, i suppose.

yesterday was pretty good, and so was today. i got in my water and exercise for both days i did a couple of dvd’s this morning, 45 min latin dance and a 20 min cardio dvd twice. i remember the first time i did the cardio dvd i felt like i was going to die, there was no way i would have been able to do any more. today though, i did it twice, twice! and that was after i had already done a good 45 min workout. i have to admit i’m pretty happy with how far i’ve come. i’m not done yet though. i still have about 10 pounds i want to lose, and i still have plenty of other fitnesss goals. lately though, like a lot of people on here i’ve been in a bit of a funk and haven’t been eating the way i should or exercising like i should and finally i just gave myself permission to maintain. if i keep things in moderation, it’s ok. if i have a candy bar, it’s ok. i’ll just try and maintain until the weather starts to get better and i want to start eating lighter again. and you know what? after i gave myself permission and for the past couple days i haven’t really wanted to eat junk and i have wanted to exercise. ? i don’t know. it’s been only two days, but it seems like giving myself permission to not be perfect has helped a lot. lol- that of the two pound gain! i hope it’s a more permanent change, but we’ll just see. either way though, i’m not giving up on losing those ten pounds. i’ve come way too far to give up now. i think my heaviest was 180, and on a 5 foot frame, i looked a lot heavier. it’s taken a long time, but i’m glad i’m here. the boost in confidence, the control (control doesn’t seem quite right, but i can’t think of a better word) i feel i have over myself now, it’s definately worth it. i just have to remind myself that this is for a lifetime, not just for now. so if i have a couple “bad days” so what? i’m human. and that’s all it is- a couple of bad days. the weather is crap and i really want heavier foods right now, so… i may not lose much or at all right now. but summer will come again, and so will the fruit and i know i won’t be craving the heavy stuff so much. the weight loss may just have to wait for a bit. that’s ok though, i will get there.

well, jumped on the scale yesterday and i was up about 2 pounds from the day before. figured it was probably water or something… then got on the scale again today, and yup, the same 2 pounds were still there. if that doesn’t lite a fire under my butt to get on top of things, nothing will. so, here’s for a new day and getting things done! at least 3L of water (i’ve been bad about that lately), 1.5 hours of exercise, and NO SWEETS! woohoo… here we go again!

well, after i got out of the pool today, all i wanted to do was vent. and to an extent, i still do. lol- so i did and just deleated it. basically i’m having problems with a “food friend” BUT, that problem is mine. we went out today and i ended up having a cream puff, a slice of cheesecake AND a hot chocolate. not good. but it was my weak will. and we ended up staying out later than i wanted to so by the time i got to the pool the kids swim team was there- not fun. four adults got dumped into one lane together and two of them were walking half the time, the other one the whole time. so the relaxing swim i was so looking foward to just got turned into an hour of swimming around people. and the people here have no manners in the pool!! it’s just kind of common courtsey- if there’s a faster person right on your heels, let them go in front! don’t push off in fron of them! good grief, it’s not that difficult. if someone is running, would you start walking right in front of them? probably not. you’d probably let them go, then start your walking. why is it so difficult to do this in the pool? and on top of it, one of the lanes the non-swimteam people usually gets got taken over today (the coach told us to get out of that lane). that in itsself was mildly irritating, but then for 45 minuted it was empty! no one in it. arghh!!!!! ok. enough. lol- i vented, deleated, then i vented some more. sorry about that guys. after all that though, from here on out, before we go out i’m setting the ground rule of no sweets and i’m saying what time i want to be back. today after lunch when i said i wanted to be back home by 3:30, (we meet at 10:30) his comment was “that’s early!” no, it’s not! i have a lot of other things to do and that just kind of irritated me. and i ended up getting back at about 4:30… ok, enough. so from now on- i’m laying out the ground rules before hand and that’s that. *sigh* i just feel like an ass doing that though

toru (haha… rollercoaster, isn’t it?) was supposed to come over tonight after i got done swimming, and of course when i got out, no call, no text. so i tried calling. and… no answer. >_< !! he calls about 15 minutes later to say that he’s not feeling well so he’s not going to come over. then he says he’s going to. then he puts me on hold and i hear him vomiting in the background. aww… poor guy! he’s frusterating sometimes, and i know i don’t mean as much to him as he does to me, but all things said and done, i do care about the man and after hearing that it definately took the edge off my irritation. poor thing. all right, so there was my complaining- sorry about that! on the bright side though, i now have time to clean up my apartment, get in some workout dvd’s and knit so, it’s not all bad. i just hope he feels better soon though. and for all of you- try and stay healthy!

i got in 13k on the treadmill today! granted 1k was walking, and it was broken up into 7k and 6k, but still, i’m pretty happy about that! and i got in 30 minutes on the stair stepper. not bad. and… i’m pretty happy b/c the first 7k was broken into 5 minute intervals of 3min at 11kph (6.6mph), 2 min at 13kph (7.8mph). and then the other 5k jog was a solid 11kph. unfortunately though, i got a nice blister on my right foot going to have to wait until that heals to go again. but, i’m planning on going swimming on thursday, so it should be no problem. ahh… can’t wait to get into the pool! i really want to try for a 5k. we’ll see about that though, i don’t want to screw up my shoulders.

foodwise though… i think i’m in maintainence mode. somehow i just can’t quite seem to get a good handle on the sweets. i’m getting in lots of veggies, but too many carbs and too many sweets and not enough water. i’m actually pretty happy with the way i look now, but… it’s still not excatly where i want to be. lol- any of you remember linda hamilton in terminator 2? yeah, well, i want her arms in that! i know i can do better, and i know i can be in better shape. and i want to get there. i remember two years ago when i tried running with one of my friends, i could barely do it. we’d go for like 3 minutes then my lungs would be burning so bad i’d have to walk. and my legs would hurt. now though, when i run, it just feels good. it feels good to use my body and my muscles- i actually LIKE doing it. and i never want to get back to the point where physical exertion is uncomfortable. when i was 15 my family and i hiked across the grand canyon. and while we were down there, we met a 60 something year old couple that was going from rim to rim in one day. one day! we were doing it in 5! one day is amazing! i want to be in that good of health, which means although i’m pretty happy with the way i am now, i can do better. i will get there, it’s just a question of when.

some days everything just seems to click when i’m working out and that is such a fabulous feeling :D. i can’t say i really wanted to go today, but i did and i am so glad i did! (lol- thanks jo, aka cookie, you helped get me off my butt with your blog today!) i got in 2.9 k doing various distances, then the last 1.1 was non stop, and ahh!!! so so so good!! lol. sorry guys, it just felt great. i LOVE having nights at the pool here. i’m so looking foward to this my next day off- i really want to get a solid 5k in. :)

well, the title pretty sums up what this blog is going to be about. first what makes good communication? i used to think i knew, but now i’m not so sure. i think for decent communication a few things are important, one of them being listening. if a person doesn’t listen, then probably the other person/people in the conversation won’t want to talk. but, whose problem is that? the one who won’t listen, or the one who gives up on talking? i’m not really sure anymore. lol- this may seem a bit out of nowhere, huh? i suppose that’s another of my problems. starting in some random place and just expecting people to pick up on what it is i’m saying. humm… so clarity is another, i suppose. anyway, toru (friend/boyfriend) and i were talking about this today. (communication and happiness- i’ll get to happiness in just a minute) we were at a store earlier today and i started saying something to him and about halfway through the sentence, he just walks away. he wasn’t angry, but all i can think was that he just didn’t care anough to listen to what i had to say. later that same day we started talking about marriage, at which point he says he wants to get married but probably won’t- he says he’s too selfish. the again later- this is bugging me a little, why is he so selfish? so- i ask. and of course, he says he isn’t. humm… ok. i bring up walking away in the store, and he says it isn’t selfish, it’s just his style. i don’t really know what to think about that one. selfish or not, it’s not really productive for good communication/relationships, is it? i just wonder sometimes if i’m crazy. does any of this make any sense at all? i guess my question is- what do you think makes for good communication? what is important? letting the other person know that what they have to say is worth listening to- i think that might be important too. but so is clearly saying what you think. and that i’m not good at. not at all. lol, often times i come on here with an idea of something i want to write about, and often i just can’t seem to get out what it is i want to say.  and, being able to identify with people. sometimes i think that’s important.

the other question- what makes a person happy? i think… i think having some goal in life, or having some true passion, i think that that can make a person happy. but i also thikn that it is in a person’s attitude. you think you are happy, then you just might be. i know way too often i bitch and moan on this blog (and i need to stop that) but overall i’d say i’m pretty happy. again, talking to toru, he says that for him, as long as he has soccer, he’ll be happy. but communication and “human relation” is important too. and to him, soccer and human relation is the same thing. i’m not so sure about that. telling people about his experience and growing up, this is good communication, he says. but… it seems kind of one sided to me. lol, i’m not so sure i should be talking about good communication though- i usually don’t get too many responses on my blogs and i can’t help but think that if i was better at expressing my ideas, maybe more people would be interested in reading my blog?right, back to the one sided communication- maybe i’m missing something? his english isn’t so great, and my japanese isn’t the best, so i sometimes wonder if something is lost. so- what do you all think? what makes for good communication? what makes people happy? what makes you happy?

anyway, for those of you that have read all this, thank you, and for those of you that comment, another huge thank you! i really would like to hear what people have to say, even if it is only that i’m crazy