inspiration08

well, not the best of all days today. i’m not really sick, but i’m not really well, either. yuk! i’ve been stuffed up and the drainage has been making my throat hurt… and i didn’t get in a workout today or yesterday. not too happy about that. and i had half a chocolate bar and a small slice of cake with ice cream. funny thing about that though, is that the chocolate i ate b/c that was the only food i had at work and i was starving, and i had promised a friend i would have cake and ice cream with her (celebrating her b-day) and the best part is- i didn’t even like the cake or ice cream! well, learn from the mistakes and move on. and no more going out on sat night- i miss having my workout night. i’ve skipped working out to go out with friends a couple times and it seem like i usually end up wishing i would have just stayed home. how lame is that?! saturdays are my mondays though, and really, i’d rather have a little time to myself. i feel kind of bad saying that though… i like my friends (obviously, they’re my friends) but i just wish sometimes that i knew more people that were interested in the same type of thing. i don’t really like just going out for food or a movie, i would so much rather go to the climbing gym, or go DO something… i hate just sitting around. well, lesson learned, saturday nights are just going to be mine again. and i’m going to make sure i grab something (veggies) to snack on at work. well, off to bed with me so i can workout in the morning

i’m on day… lets see… today is friday, thurs- biking, wed- swimming, tues- weights and yoga. so- i’m on day 4. and so far, so good! there is still room for improvement, but won’t there always be? haven’t gotten in any exercise yet and i’m not totally sure if i will. i have a private lesson in about an hour and a half, need to catch the train in a little less than an hour AND i’m getting sick again! AGHH!!! i hate being sick! i never used to get sick when i was in the US and now that i’m here, seems like i’ve gotten sick more in the past three years than in my entire life (does that even make sense?) anyway, i think it’s due to the cold. not that it’s so miuch colder here- it’s not- but i think that the lack of central heat (and therefore never being able to get and stay warm) and crappy insulation has a lot to do with it. that and people here don’t believe in staying home when they’re sick. AGHH!! i’m tired of it! i’m so looking foward to going to costa rica. but, i might do something when i get home. yoga is always good and who knows, i might be up for something more strenuous. yesterday was great- i got in a three hour bikeride! and i stopped by the woman i used to work for’s house. that was… actually really nice. it’s been about a year and a half since i saw her last and i can’t say we really had a great relationship. hense the not talking for so long. but… things changed. maybe i changed. she thought so anyway- at least, she told toru that this morning. (the two of the are almost like mother/son) so a three hour bike ride and a chat with her. it was fun

then today… aw, man, what a hell of a day. toru and i went out last night and that was great… then this morning, just nothing seemed to be right. there just seemed to be… friction? i don’t really know how to put it. but things wern’t happy. possibly neither one of us got enough sleep, but things were just crappy. then we got into the relationship… and he says that he wants to “reset” life this feb. he recently quit his job and in feb he’s quitting everything else so he can study for the test for his soccer license and in april going to brazil or spain… great. which, also means me. he wants to be free, he wants to be alone. well, thanks asshole. glad to know i mean so much. and i know i’m not tying him down, he’s free to do what he wants- that part is in his head and there’s not a damn thing i can do about it. we ended up working things out, i guess, but why do i stay around when i’m not really wanted? i know he cares, but it’s not too much. so why do i do this? it’s stupid, no? i guess i keep hoping that he’ll realize… i dunno, something, and things’ll change for the better. stupid. aghh! i guess in the end though it isn’t really that important- in april he leaves japan and then in may i’m leaving and probably not comming back, so i guess there’s not too much to worry about. things’ll end soon enough and i may as well have fun in the meantime. somehow that doesn’t seem to healthy though. anyway- enough of this. time to go get ready for the lesson and try and get in a little exercise before i have to catch the train.

well, today was pretty good! ate half of my two sweets for the week and i didn’t even get in two servings of rice/bread/pasta/etc, so i’m happy about that. and tomorrow i’m going to the gym with toru :) and i’m making taco soup right now, so i’ll have food for tomorrow as well. planning is key, i think. now if i can just do it on a consistant basis, things’ll be good.  life’s good at the moment… not too much else to say, i guess. hope everyone’s doing great and get out there and exercise! it’ll make you feel better!

aghh! why do i keep not getting enough sleep and doing what i know i need to do? i wanted to go to the gym this morning… and didn’t. toru spent the night last night and we were going to go this morning, but he was exhausted from soccer practice yesterday (9-5?! that’s about the same as a job!!)  so all he wanted to do was sleep this morning. so i just lazed around and did nothing. that was stupid. of course, after he woke up and noticed i wasn’t in the best of moods, he pestered me about it until i finally said it was b/c of not going to the gym. lol- his answer? why didn’t you take my car and go by yourself? ahh… i’m going to miss him! i really do like the freedom i have in this relationship and i think it was really sweet of him to offer to let me use his car, even if it was a bit after the fact. definately going to take advantage of that next time though.  

anyway- goals for this week

1.exercise 6 out of 7 days: weights 3 times, pool twice, core rhythmns 3 times, running twice and if there’s a day with no snow ond decent road conditions, get out and bike!

2. food- cut down on carbs, (no more than 2 servings of grains/rice/pasta/etc a day) and no more than 2 sweets- including drinks!

3. 4 liters of water a day

 so- those are the goals. i know i can do it, i just have to stick with it. and i revised the goal with the boots- i’m not getting them till i get to goal. it really shouldn’t be too hard, right? 7 pounds. but at the rate i’m going right now, i may never get there! i haven’t been serious about this for about 4 months now, and i haven’t lost anything relaly either. well, enough of that. time to get back to it.

today when i left my apartment to walk to work i was confronted with about a foot of snow- suprise! lol- thank god (or rather my sister in this case) for my rainboots!! i actually kind of enjoyed trampling through the snow on my way to work this morning, it was beautiful! and it’s only about a 7-10 minute walk, so it wasn’t that bad. came home for lunch, made a salad and grabbed my camera and took some pics on the way back to work- i’ll try to post them at some point. anyway- after i came home i was going to go to the pool. I was huingry and cold, so 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter, a salad and a rather large spoonful of honey cream cheese later, i’m finally ready to get off my over fed butt and walk to the pool. of course, it’s still cold, i don’t want to go outside and as i’m getting my suit and stuff ready for swimming i remember that my gym bad is in the back of my boyfriend’s car with my cap and goggles in it. so i get my wish of not going to the pool and now i really do want to go! careful what you wish for, you just might get it, no? lol. tuesday. definately going to go tuesday. as for  tonight though… i want to get something worthwhile in, so… weights, an hour of yoga and core rhythmns. i thikn that’ll be a good compromise. and clean up my apartment again! too much junk on the floor again. right. so off to drink some tea, clean and then workout!

change in the diet means gas!! eew!! lol- i guess on the bright side though, it means i’m getting back to healthier eating. not sure why, but when i cut out the junk (well, lower it) and start eating more fruits and veggies… it sure does smell at first. ok- enough of that- sorry!

went skiing today and it was great! kept thinking though that i wish toru and i would go snowboarding together sometime… i know it’s be fun. makes me a little sad though… i know i would do just about anything for him but i also know that i just don’t mean that much to him. sometimes i wish i could just let go and stop loving him… just think of him as a friend. sure would make life easier at times. too bad you can’t just change how you feel about things, yeah? think about how much easier that would make life… i don’t want to be in love with this person anymore, or i do want to be in love with this other person, or i want to love running and broccoli and not like sugar or chocolate or anything unhealthy… how easy would that be? but i guess how boring too, yeah? and how would anyone ever grow up or learn if things were so easy? almost seems like things wouldn’t be worth doing. man- i stink!! lol- i don’t even want to be in the same room as me! ok, i know, it’s gross and i’ll stop. sorry!

dad and i have started talking a little bit more about this biking trip (we’re going to bike across japan)… it seems like such an impossible task at times! the actual biking i know i can handle- that’s not a problem. it’s the planning that’s so daunting to me. dad’s never been here and doesn’t reallt know anything about japan, so the route, accomodations/where to camp, what to see, what to eat, how to get from one island to another… that’s all up to me. and if things werein english, it’s be golden… but nothing is. i can’t find ANY decent road maps in english… and my kanji is craptacular, so i’m going to have to try and get help translating maps so if we get lost we can at least have some idea where we are. and i hae no idea what to do about where to sleep and camp… there aren’t a whole lot of camp sites here, and i know we can probably just pull over and put up a tent if there’s room… but i just don’t want to put us in the position of not being able to find a place to sleep for the night. and elevations… a lot of the places are hilly… what if i pick a rout that takes a lot longer than expected and we can’t make it to where we are supposed to sleep for the night? it’s a strange thing being the responsible one and the one making the decisions about everything… it’s always my parents who have planned, and now it’s my turn. i just don’t want to screw up! but… i really am so excited about doing this with my dad, and i just think that it’s amazing he wants to go with me! ok, not really, i can totally believe he wants to go, but to think of a 64 year old wanting to bike across a foreign country where they know nothing and all the planning is being done by their kid and did i mention he’s 64?? 64! and willing to bike across japan! that to me is amazing. ahh… i just don’t want to screw it up!! right now, i think the plan is to start in yakushima, bike the circumfrence of that island one day, hike the raving the next and then on day three leave for the neighboring island. bike the circumfrence of that island and day four head over to kagoshima/kyushu. i think from there… go up the west coast to miyazaki (probably 2 days, need to look at that more) then head over to kumamoto (probably another 2 days). i think… that’s be a good place to stay in a hostel, do laundry, etc and possibly rest for a while. i know he wants to go up to aso (it’s a volcanoe), but i don’t know if we should ride to the top, or just make it a day trip on a bus? after that… probably head over to nagasaki (i’ve never been there) and i’d like to stop by arita… need to see how to work that one out though. not sure right now. from there… the next part is to go over to hiroshima (haha… rather BIG gap between the two cities)  then over to shikoku (the smallest of the four main islands that make up japan) and i have no idea after that. and even that plan is rather sketchy at best. possibly… i need to go to a bike shop here with a friend and see if anyone here has done anything like this or if they have any ideas. i hate feeling so helpless and dependent! tough shit, yeah? if i want to do this, i just have to bite the bullet and figure it out. and if anyone has any suggestions. i’d love to hear them! right. so for tomorrow… ask toru if we can go down to a bike shop together sometime and talk to someone and look in the guide books to try and fill in the gaps on the way to shikoku. man, i really will be amazed if i can pull this off though, because right now, i have no idea how it’s all going to come together.  

not such a good thind either… i have a tendency to eat rather poorly when i’m tired. and i haven’t gotten in any real exercise in about 2 days i got in a 30 min bikeride, but somehow that doesn’t seem to count? humm… so maybe only today then. eating wise… i had a little too much, i think. two boals of cereal with soymilk, 2 salads, a yogurt energy bar, two cheese curry mon and a fried curry bun, strawberries and two smallish cups of hot chocolate made with soymilk. humm… not too good. and TOM is here and i fee like a balloon. yuk! well, i’m going skiing tomorrow and i’m going to try and get in some yoga after- and clean up my apartment! it’s filthy right now and i hate it. and tomorrow- more fruits and veggies, less carbs and more water! and now i’m off to bed. night everyone!

well, i haven’t been doing great, but i haven’t been doing bad. but i gained 3 pounds! not too happy about that, but i’m not going to worry too much about it either. i’m just going to watch the food a little more carefully and work on getting more water and not eating late at night… it’ll come off. hope everyone’s doing good!

and damn, that’s an annoying feeling! i’m not hungry. but i sure do want to put something in my mouth, chew and swallow. don’t even really care what, just something! seriously though, how stupid is that? i’m not really sure what to say on how i did today… i had a bowl of cereal with soy milk and cranberries for breakfast, snacked on some carrots and olive bruchetta (the stuff is pure EVIL!!) had a falafel salad for lunch/dinner (lol- lupper?) snacked on more olive bruchetta and then topped it off with a raspberry mocha kiss from seattles best. seriouslt though, i almost ate the whole jar of olive bruchetta and an entire package of crackers… so why am i still obessing on food?! aghh!!!! has anyone read the book “the hungry thing”? i feel like the monster in that book. FEED ME! good grief. i think i’m going to go make some tea. maybe something warm will help.

things on the exercise front seem to be going a bit better though, so that’s happy. i really didn’t want to get up and do anything this morning, but i got in 20 minutes and plan on doing another 10 or so tonight then 30 minutes of yoga and i’m going skiing thursday! i’ve been reading about people going to classes at gyms… it sounds like so much fun! i miss having other people to workout with… even if i don’t know them, it’s still nice sometimes to have other living breathing bodies in the room. but- soon enough. i think when i get back to the US i’m going to sign up for salsa classes, and i hope i can get back into rock climbing. i miss doing those things! lol- and maybe even join a masters swim team? good grief, i’m going to need a lot of money for all that!

day three i’m counting a success. sorry to bore everyone with the food for the day again, but… breakfast- salad and an english muffin, lunch- thai curry, rice (about a cup?), salad, carrot/onion soup, half a thai sausage link, snack- piece of whole wheat bread with deli meat and a slice of cheese, 5 gyoza, dinner- salad, whole wheat pasta with mushrooms and scallops and butter (ok, so the butter wasn’t so healthy), a piece of garlic toast, and fruit. and three donut holes. humm… seems like a lot of carbs and a lot of food. but… i never felt stuffed and the portions here are about a hald to a third of what they are back home, so… lol- i should really just start counting cals, huh? don’t think thats going to happen, not yet anyway. need to get in more water on a daily basis- didn’t get enough in today. and i didn’t really exercise… got in about an hour of walking, though. lol- toru and i went to see a movie- thought it was made in hollywood so it’d be ok, but… well, i was wrong. about 2% was english and the rest was spanish! and the subtitles were japanese. so we argued about what to do- lol… it was really sweet- he wanted to go b/c i couldn’t understand and i wanted to stay b/c i knew he wanted to watch the movie, so finally we decided i’d go shopping (movie theater is in a shopping center) so i ended up mostly walking for an hour and twenty minutes or so. found a great coat that was 50% off, so that was nice. kind of. i’ve been wanting a long coat, but i’ve found that i’ve started eating less and buying more. not good! i really need to be saving more for costa rica time to cut that out. anyway- still not perfect, but it’s a vast improvement over what i had been doing. got in lots of veggies and some fruit, and only three bites of sweets… still need to improve though. well, i’ll do better tomorrow and i’m going to get in some harder exercise!