inspiration08

I do not want to end this year on a bad note. I will not end this year on a bad note. Exercise has been a constant since may, but lately I’ve been sliding- and I don’t like it. I understand that winter is harder to work out, and I will definately take that into account, but that is NO excuese for poor eating and not exercising. the intensity or duration might not be a hot, but that’s ok- warmer weather will come again and so will the harder exercise, but in the meantime, I do not want to totally fall back into old habits. And I slowly am. I’ve started making poor food choices… a little chocolate here and there, less fruit and veggies, more rice and curry… not good. And I am stopping this now. I do not want it to become a habit again, and it will not become a habit again. I have been one pound -ONE POUND away from my mini goal for about a month now. That is rediculous! It’s one stinking pound and I still haven’t managed to get rid of it? Enough! While I realize that the intensity and duration might not be quite the same, exercise is going to be a priority again. My for this next week is to get in 45 minutes of exercise a day- at least 15 in the morning, eat 4 servings of fruit and veggies every day (and one salad every day) and get in at least two liters of water a day. baby steps. And 4 of those workouts are going to be hard ones. So, those are the goals for the week. Time to turn this around again. I was thikning about the things that are important to me and my health/fitness is definately one of them, and I’m hardly doing anything about it at all at the moment. Well, if it’s so important, why am I doing nothing? Or rather, so little? So once again, here we go!

I think one of the problems with food is that in the summer I was perfectly content to eat raw fruits and veggies- the weather was warm and it felt great. Now though, I want something nice and warm and I’m having problems  finding food that’s satisfying the warm food/carb cravings… time to rethink meals. Tomorow- breakfast: bagel and cream cheese, pine nuts and a little honey, small salad and WATER! for a snack, green tea and mikans; lunch, salad, brown rice with cranberries and nuts, dinner- sweet potato, fruit and carrot sticks and cherry tomatos. lol- kind of a strange menu, but that’s what I can manage with the schedule I have tomorrow. Hope everyone’s doing great and do your best to stay on track- I know it’s not easy now, but if you can tough it out when things are less than ideal, it’ll make everything so much easier in the long run. Stay strong!

and… i think the title says it all. i need a good kick in the ass- i haven’t been working out like i should for the past couple days, and i’m not going to get a work out in today, either. i felt completely drained all day, it’s 11 and i need the sleep. i WILL however, get up at a decent hour tomorrow and get in a workout. and cook- i’ve realized that that is definately part of the problem, i don’t have enough stuff around for when i don’t have a lot of time. fruit and salad is great, but when it’s so cold, that is definately not what i want. i want something hot! i made some stuff tonight, so i’ll have something for tomorrow, but i need to make some other stuff for the rest of the week. and i need to get back in gear with the workouts. so- goal for tomorrow- get in an hour workout and at least 40 minutes of that cardio! drink 3 cups of green tea, 2L of water, 5 servings of fruits and veggies, watch the grains and no junk!

the rosy collered glasses are still on i do have to wonder though, if it also has to do with being around my ex this last weekend. humm… i hope not. i think… it’s more of just being around people that i can relax and have fun with… and there aren’t too many people like that here. he’s one of the few, and definately the person that i’m closest to. something to watch, i suppose. i was reading an article the other day about happiness and if i remember correctly (and my memory is awful, so take it with a grain of salt) one of the key things was novelty. they had a list of things to do, like go a day without talking, and i don’t remember what else, but basically the idea novelty. i thought it was interesting… and i think i might have to agree with that. i was talking to someone else here and they thought motivation was a lot more important, and while i agree that that is definately important, i really do think that keeping things new and interesting is important. and i don’t think it has to be something big- tonight i had two of my friends over to my place for dinner and a movie- which is the first time i’ve done that since i’ve been in japan! one person, yes, but more than one (japanese) person, no. and we had a lot of fun lol- and i got myself flowers tonight. i love flowers, but i would rarely buy them because it seems like king of a waste of $4… i mean, they die in about a week, right? but- i’m happy i got them. it’s nice to have something living in my apartment, other than the mold in my sink… joking about that! i cleaned that out last week anyway, i guess the point is to keep doing the little things that make me happy reguardless of whether or not it is the norm, or even if it makes a whole lot of sense. so… what makes you happy?

i guess things really are just how you want to look at them- definately had some mishaps today, but it really is just how you look at things. not sure why the world was so rosy today, but sure beats the hell out of being angry and depressed. i know i’m not always going to be in this great of a mood but for the time being, i’m going to do my best to remain positive- afterall, it’s my choice. and… i guess, i know for me, i need to remember to take pleasure in the little things in life. it’s way too easy to overlook a little bit of kindness from a friend or to skim over a beautiful view that you’ve seen a thousand times, but these small things if not taken for granted, can make a huge difference. at least they can for me. anyway, that’s the insite for today and the rest of the blog is basically just about my day and a lot of rambling, so it really isn’t necessary to read the rest of it. unless you’d like to, then be my guest

 today was… interisting. i went for a bike ride and had problems with my bike (which was what it was in the shop for last month!!), ate not so hot, was supposed to go out with a friend but she had to work late so couldn’t do that, went to get food only to find out the place was closed, went to the laundromat to dry my sheets only to get dumped on on the way home (on by bike- no car) AND the umbrella broke on the way back. but no sarcasm, i really am in a fantastic mood. work up this morning and talked to my parents for a while, man i miss them! but i am just so incredably grateful to have the family i do. anyone heard the saying “you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends?” well, that may be true, but even if we wern’t family, i’d still want to be friends with them. so cheesy, but so true. they really are the people i am closest to, which in some ways is kinda amusing considering how much i didn’t like my mom when i was a teenager. just goes to show that there is hope, i guess. anyway, long story short, i got to talk to them and it made me really happy. lol- and for christmas this year my sister and i got them tickets to cirque du soleil, and i can’t wait to hear what they think about it! not that really has anything to do with anything, but somehoe thinking about that makes me happy too. i think they’ll like it. i’ve been to two of their shows and absolutely loved them. right- for lunch i took myself to an indian place. probably not the healthiest of all choices, i’m sure there was quite a bit of oil in it, and not to mention white rice and naan, but it was a concious decision, i didn’t overeat (left almost all the rice) and it tasted fabulous! for dinner i had ramen… again, NOT a healthy decision. when you can see the oil and fat floating on the top… lol, but it was good. not something i’m going to eat again anytime soon (my stomach in not happy with me for putting that garbage in) but again, it was a choice to go, so i’m ok with that. after i finish typing this and my stomach settles down, weights and yoga- i need to do something so work off some of that! and the bike ride… got about an hour and a half (and that hour and a half rocked!)  into it and then the damn chain got wrapped around itsself (again!) and i couldn’t get it back to where it needed to be. called my friend/ex, he to wait where i was and he’d come get me. fiddled with it and got it working, called to say that i didn’t need help afterall and that i’d just ride back (took a little convincing that i really was ok) but then about a few minutes later, i see him driving to where i was… it was just nice to feel cared about. i know we aren’t together, and i honestly don’t think we will get back together, but… i dunno… just having someone there when i needed them, and then having him still want to help even though i didn’t really need it at that point… it was just kind of nice. warm fuzzy feeling. he ended up giving me a lift back to my place which was probably good b/c i wouldn’t have made it back before dark. i got ready to meet my friend, only to have her then say she was going to be late, but that allowed me enough time to dry my sheets and get poured on. sheets stayed dry enough, it was just me that got soaked. stupid umbrella! lol, well, at least i have another one, yeah? get back and she calls to say that she can’t make it. well , ok. i’ll do something by myself. went to the store to get food anly to find out it was closed, get dumped on again on the way home so i decided to stop in a clothing store to wait out the rain, see a pair of jeans on sale for $20 (well, 1990 yen, but thats about $20) try them on and… i got into a size 2!! granted, they were bigger than all the other 2’s, but still, that was pretty cool. and they hemmed them for free in the store luckily while i was in the store the rain stopped so back home, then out again for ramen and now i’m sitting here waiting for my stomach to settle enough so i can undo some of the damage from the ramen. but… i dunno… just a good day. and that bike ride was amazing! lol- ok, enough of my rambling.

well, today hasn’t been quite what i wanted it to be. last night i fell immediately after work- (so no workout :() then woke up at about 3:30 and couldn’t go to sleep… foinally got to sleep at about 8 then woke up again an hour ago (11:30) bleh! lol, oh well. couldn’t get back to sleep last night b/c i kept thinking about my ex… stupid, yeah? just let go already! ah, well, i will eventually, i jut suppose it’s a slow process. last week i can’t say i got in my gloals for working out- no running and no swimming, but i did get in an hour of something every day and i got in my two weight sessions. so- goals for this next 7 days: swim once, run once, do yoga and weight lift at least twice and work out for an hour every day. food- get in 5 fruits and veggies every day, no more than three “treats”, 2 L water every day and no eating an hour before bed. i know it should be 2, but… baby steps! i’ll get there eventually. weight loss goals- i want to get to my mini goal!

other than that, not too much going on. but i suppose i always say that, don’t i? for those of you that read my blogs, i think i’ve mentioned i’m going to costa rica as a volunteer for 6 months for conversation? i’m really looking foward to that! but… i think between my knowing i’m going to be leaving here, breaking up with my boyfriend and knowing that i need spanish for costa rica, i’ve pretty much stopped caring about studying japanese and i think i’ve kind of mentally checked out of here. not so sure i like that. but, about a year and a half ago i set the goals of 1. lose weight (which i am doing, albit insanely slowly right now- i need to put forth more of an effort) 2. figure out what i’m going to do with my life. and while i haven’t finished that one either, i have a good idea of the direction i want to go in. so, all in all, not bad. with that said though, i’m not doing a repeat of here in costa rica. it’s going to be spanish, and spanish only. no more english. that’s limited me here in so many ways, and i’m not going to repeat that same mistake. and for those people that want to be friends and practice their english, well, sorry. not going to happen again with me. and with that said, i’m off to workout and study spanish! but… i really do want to learning japanese… i hope i don’t forget everything after i leave!

it’s almost 9pm here… weekend for me is almost over. but, i have to say, it was a rertty good weekend. didn’t get out a whole lot, but it was nice for once not to have any obligations tried to cook some stuff. tried to make a healthier version of no bake cookies. failed rather spectacularly with that one. made some pumpkin/cranbrery/walnut/spice brown rice mixture that good and then i tried to make okanomiaki without using egg or milk… it tasted ok, but it’s supposed to be kind of like a pancake texture. that didn’t happen. didn’t happen at all. managed to get one part throughly fused to the teflon pan (teflon!! what the hell did i do?!) and the other part got to a gooey mush state and then went no further. tasted all right, so i guess it wasn’t a complete failure. ahh… how nice it would be to be able to cook! well, cook and have most of it turn out the way intended. lol, i’ll learn, i suppose. practice, practice, no? humm… things are pretty good today… not such an interesting blog, sorry! started doing yoga again this week and that felt great! kind of funny how there are a couple dvds i tried once, decided that i didn’t really like them all that much and then didn’t touch them for quite a while and now they are my favorite dvds. i know i’ve mentioned them before, but if anyone is interested in dvds and dancing, try core rhythmns. they rock! lol- i’m a dork and googled the instructors and this -> http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=1UjUJkGWMHI is one video i found. i think she’s become my fitness idol! firt time i tried the dvd’s i got a bit frusterated b/c i couldn’t keep up, now they are by far and away my favorites and they rock! makes me sweat and has anyone tried and of the ravi singh and ana brett yoga dvd’s? i didn’t like them so much when i first tried them, there is a lot of breathing exercises and it wasn’t quite what i was used to with yoga, but i got them back out and i actually really like them this time around. i miss being outside, but at least now i have a few things i like to do indoors now if there was only a climbing gym! boo hoo! i miss rock climbing! ah, well. i suppose if there was a gym i probably would have started dance or started doing yoga again, so it all worked out in the end. and… i had a crepe today. no health benefits what-so-ever, but i knew exactly what i was doing and it was great! crepe and a cup of hot coffee… pure bliss. funny thing is though, if i eat stuff like that all the time, i really don’t enjoy it. but if i have it only occationally, it really is fantastic. just need to remember the ocationally part though. ok- that’s my rambling for then night. hope everyone is doing great and i’m off to rent a video and weight lift!

i’m just really not caring about anyone’s opinion right now… i just don’t give a shit. sorry about the strong language, but that’s basically the feeling. i’m tired of worring about other people’s opinions, i’m tired of wondering if i’m making other people happy. i’m tired of worring about what other people think. right now, i don’t care. and to be honest, i’m not too sure that that’s a bad thing. i’m not saying i want to offend or hurt anyone, but if i do, it’s an accident and it can be delt with later. no sense in worrying about it now before anything’s happened. humm… i don’t think this is comming out totally the way i want it to. helping people and trying to make people happy is something i like doing, and i will continue to try, i will continue to try and do my best, however- i’m tired of wondering if it’s good enough for other’s. all i can do is my best, and if that’s not good enough, or if someone doesn’t like it, well, that’s their problem, not mine. a couple months ago when i was teaching, the lesson was talking about priorities. (i teach english conversation) one of the sentance structures is “what’s the point of… if you can’t…” and AS AN EXAMPLE (one of several) was what’s the point of working and making money if you don’t have the time to enjoy other things? well, a student decided i was talking about him, which i wasn’t, and about three weeks after that lesson, (and at that point i didn’t even really remember the lesson and i had no idea he was upset with me) he rips into me about how hard he has to work and how could i say such an awful thing to/about him, and how he didn’t want to take lessons from me anymore, and so on, and i felt awful! well, you know what? i finally decided to just let it go. all i can do is my best, and i will try my hardest not to offend or upset anyone, but damnit, i’m tired of walking on eggshells. it’s not healthy. it’s strange- when i get emails, or when i recieve some unexpected communication, i almost always expect it to be bad. why? i don’t know. and it doesn’t make sense. all i can do is my best, and from now on, that’s what i’m going to worry about. i’m going to do all i can, and what other people think is their business. my boyfriend and i broke up. and it hurts. and for a long time i kept thinking that it was something i did. i wasn’t good enough for him. if i was only better, he would still want to be with me. and even as i’m writing this, i feel a little of that, but you know what? it’s not really true. i am good enough. if i was different, maybe he woud care, but then i wouldn’t be me, now would i? i haven’t tried as hard as i could have, i haven’t been perfect. i wasn’t sure what i was going to do after i left japan, and i was being irresponsible with money. that wasn’t good, and that definately wasn’t my best. if that’s the reason he left, well, if he really cared so much about me, he would have been able to see through that. and he wouldn’t have threatened to leave every three months. but things change and so do people, and i’m going to continue to move foward- it’s all i can do. and i’m not going to worry about other’s people’s opinions. lol- trying to convince myself? possibly. but there is no sense in worrying about things i can’t control and if there is something i don’t like, i try and change that. for better or for worse, at least i can try and make myself happy. i got a confirmation- i was accepted into the volunteer program i applied to! and i’m going. it’s not the best move financially, and it won’t make some friends too happy, but it’s something i want to do and i think it’ll be good for me. lol- a couple days ago i got my hair cut, and honestly, i didn’t really like it. and i dind’t want to spend the money to get it cut again, and i was a little afraid to do anything to it myself b/c if it wasn’t any good, i didn’t want to have to say i did it myself. but. tonight when i came home from work i figured i might as well give it a go- i don’t like it now, and if i make it worse i can go back to the salon, but there’s no sense in doing nothing just because i’m worried about someone saying something. and… it’s not great, but i like it a little better now and now i have a better idea about what to ask for next time. so, well, it’s a small step, but it’s still a step. ok- and now that i’ve written a small book, it’s time to go do yoga! since i wrote the last blog i’ve done 2 hours both days, got in one weight session and one yoga session and made the hour goal both days! that’s happy. on the downside, i’ve already eaten 3 of my 4 sweets for the week (stupid cake). i’ll be ok though, i still have one left and only 4 more days to go! but i still need to get in my hour for today, so i’m out of here and off to do that. hope everyone is great… and sorry if this blog started out a bit bitchy!! lol, but i needed it and i feel a lot better. and if it’s offended anyone, well, that’s YOUR problem, not mine!