inspiration08

not too sure whats going on here, i’ve just been SO tired lately! and i haven’t worked out in 3 days. well, its 10pm on day 3and i haven’t worked out yet.  i will though after i finish posting this. uggh!! don’t like feeling like this! probaly its a combination of hiking in the rain and being cold, then fighting off a cold, then TOM, but good grief, its irritating! lol- i just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep. and that’s with a 2 hour nap today. eh, well, i’ll get back to normal soon enough, i’m sure. hope everyone else is ahving a great day!

nope. not gonna happen today. i had planned to come home and go jogging, but i’m going to sleep. i can feel myself fighting off a cold so i think the best thing is to just go to sleep. not too happy about not workin gout today, but its definately better than making myself sick. did ok with food- split half a muffin with a student, but didn’t eat too much today and i got in all my veggies and fruit. and green tea. and just took my vitamin. didn’t get enough water- i’ll have to better about that tomorow. humm… for for tomorrow… english muffin, fruit, tomato and green tea for breakfast, nashii and carrots for snack, lunch… dunno. feeling rather uninspired right now… sushi? crackers and pb for a snack, then brown rice with egplant and mushrooms, and fruit for dinner. and hopefully i’ll be up for a jog, if not, maybe i’ll try for a walk. ok- i’m off to bed. hope everyone is doing good and sorry for the boring blogs! 

i got in my morning dvd and my swim! didn’t stick to the meal plan exactly, but no biggie, i did good today as far as eating. now for tomorrow… i was hoping to get in a dvd or a bike ride in in the morning, but i’m not so sure thats going to happen. bf is comming over tonight so… i dunno. maybe i’ll just get up before he does and go for a quick jog. but for food- breakfast- english muffin, tomato, kiwi and fig; snack- banana and carrot sticks; lunch- salad, whole wheat crackers and grapes; snack- chestnuts and cucumber; dinner- apple juice, whole wheat crakers w/ pb, banana and broccoli. exercise- run or a dvd after i get back from work. so… sorry its a boring blog… i’ll try to post some pics from my last hiking trip soon. lol- it was great and so so so miserable all at the same time! but next time. i’m heading for bed now oyasumi!

so for the past few weeks i haven’t been doing so stellar. not horrible, but not good. well, enough! time to get back to doing good! 11 more pounds- and if i work at it, i can do it in 11 weeks. so, time to kick it into high gear! i figure i’ll start with trying to plan meals and blog consistantly about exercise and food (lol- i know, boring to read, but it helps me!) so, weigh in is tomorrow. and i think this week will be a maintain, if i’m lucky. so the goals for the week are to eat a cup of veggies, drink 8 glasses of water, take my vitamin, eat a piece of fruit, and drink one cup of green tea EVERY DAY! also, very few, if any, processed foods, white bread/rice/or pasta, or fried foods. exercise every day- swim at least 2x, bike at least 3x, run 3x, workout dvds 3x and anything else is bonus. i’d like to fit in some yoga, but that one isn’t going to be an actual goal. no binging, and no pocky! i’ve been terrible with that stuff lately. no more!!

ok- so for tomorrow

breakfast- brown rice, grapes, diakon sukemono, green tea and soy milk

snack- carrots and whole wheat crackers

lunch- couscous, fig, salad

snack- nashii!! (asian pear) and more grapes

dinner- eggplant and mushroon stirfry and brown rice,  fruit, green tea and soy milk with honey

 and for exercise, dvd before work and swim after.

so thats the plan for tomorrow, and i’m sticking to it!! 

i just can’t quite seem to get back to truely “good” eating! seems like every day i have some jusk thrown in… not sure whats going on, but i need to cut it out! i have 11 more pounds (at least) to go!! aghh!!! stop already!

well, for tonight i’m going to have some soy milk and pack for tomorrow and then- better eating starts saturday! i’m going to do my best for thurs and fri, but i’m going backpacking and some of the stuff isn’t exactly low cal. and i’m taking chocolate. lol- but i figure with at least 1 10 hour day, some high cal food is necessary. and starting again sat- i’m going to be logging food on here again!! itsn’t that exciting??!! lol- sorry guys, but i need someone to hold me accountable, b/c i’m not doing so well on my own right now. ok, off for milk, packing and sleep!

well… this’ll be my attempt at the “mental challenge” blog… (its something that was proposed by one of my fellow rockstars so… we are supposed to write about this past summer, the upcomming fall, what and why is your favorits season of the year, and what can you do now that you couldn’t do when summer began. lol- i think that’s everything??

ok… so this past summer… went by way, way, way too fast!! lets see… it started in may (for some reason i alwasy think of summer as may-august) so- may. may was pretty good; i got to go home and see my parents for the first time in almost two years. it was great to see them… and so sad to leave them! lol- but when i was in the US i spent about a week at my parent’s house doing chores! i got my driver’s license again (and almost failed the test!! almost rolled a stop sign… BAD kylie!! but i caught myself in time, so it was all good) and my international permit, i went to the dentist, got a new perscription for my contacts and got a new pair of glasses… and… i mopped and waxed the kitchen floor! lol- vacation, huh? but, it was great. i got to spent time with my mom and dad (poor dad, he had to take me everywhere b/c i couldn’t drive when i got back) and i got to see my cousins, aunt and one of my highschool friends. that was fantastic. gone but not forgotten and still loved then mom, dad and i drove from OK to MD to see my sister. :) so so so happy to see her!! i’m really close to my family and i think that is the one of the few things about living here that i don’t like- i can’t see my family very often :( on the way to MD we stopped to see one of my friends (also fantastic) AND i got to eat ribs! lol- maybe not great diet food, but it was fantastic! definately something you can’t get here. and cajun food. got to eat that too. man, i really miss that. so basically i got to spent about 2 weeks with family in may. that was great! and in may i found buddyslim! 

so june… june is when i really started to think about weight loss. i upped my exercise and started eating better little by little. i finally got out on my bike again, started going to the pool on a semi regular basis again and made my first attempts at jogging. lol- baby steps! basically, that was about the highlight of june. getting my weight loss and exercise underway, and i thnk i went to the beach a few times with the boy… i think? lol- i don’t remember exactly! good grief… and i’m how old?!

july… more of the same. upped the exercise, went to the beach a lot more, taught, studied japanese and… i’m sure i did something else, i’m just not too sure what!! basically life as usual. great and enjoyable, but nothing too spectacular.

august… was my b-day! and my boyfriend’s b-day. lol- i think we had a lot better time with his!! he was sick on mine so we didn’t really do too much and on his we got to go out to the museum, went out to eat, went to the onsen and lol- shopping. that was just a really, really fun day. and i spent a lot of time on my bike and a decent amount of time on the beach have to love that!!

and now september. lol- look at the blog before last for sept! vacation! it was great- lots of hiking and swimming. lol- can’t ask for much more!

humm… right. so, things that i can do now that i could do at the begining of the summer? run. i started walking about 1 mile with a few spurts of jogging mixed in and now i can comfortably do a 5k! i can bike 40 k with out any problems (lol- and i can change a flat tire all on my own!) and i know i can swim for over a mile without stopping i’ve changed a lot of my eating habits- i eat a lot more fruits and veggies and a lot less sugary foods. still need to watch that though, the past couple weeks have been less than stellar but today was pretty good and i’ve started drinking a lot more water. and i lost 10 pounds! probably more like 15, i was guessing when i joined the site (and i guessed on the light side!). in may i tried on a pair of jeans i wore last winter… and i felt like a sausage in them! i could button them, but they were definately NOT comfortable. not they are almost a little loose can’t wait until i have to get rid of them b/c they are too big!

and what am i looking fowar to this fall? honestly? umm… i hate to admit this, but food! i love the fruit and nut you can get here in fall… its so so so great!! and i’m looking foward to doing more biking and i want to sign up a 10k. not sure if that will happen (usually held on sat and i work sat) but… i’d like to. i’m also planning to go hiking at least one more time before the weather gets too cold, i’m going to go to tokyo and see my friend and see the cirque du soleil performance there, and i’m going to go to kyoto to go ”hiking” at one of the temples (there is a 4 hour path around one that i want to go to) and i want to see all the fall leaves in kyoto. so- tons of things i’m looking forward to this fall! and i am going to loose at least another 6 pounds. i will try for more, but realistically, i think that if i get rid of 6 i’ll be doing great.

ok- as for my favorite season? i’m not sure i have one. i just like being able to get outside and do things!! ok, so thats the mini book for today. time to go to sleep! hope everyone has a great day!   

i gained two pounds overnight?? seriously, WTF? i went for an hour and a half bike ride yesterday, ate pretty good, and i gain. aghh!!! so so so irritating! probably not fat- i’m not sure i thats possible given what i ate, but seriously, its annoying. usually saturdays are my weighin, but i swear, i think i’m ALWAYS heavier on sat morning. good grief.

This is on the way over to the island i stayed on- i had to take a ferry over to yakushima (the island) and all was fine and good… BUT there are 2 ports on the island. the main one i wanted to go to and then another much smaller one. i wanted to go to the main port- figured i’d save time and i’b be able to pick up some info in english… lol- but… this one didn’t go to the main port! lol- guess i need to work on my japanese a bit more, huh?

and… here was where i ended up after not going to the right port! nice place to camp, but… i have to admit, i was about ready to cry before i found this place. i tried calling, but the woman didn’t really speak english, and for some reason, she kept trying to give me the directions in english?? so i got fron the port, i go right and five minutes. well… i finally find the place i think is it, but there are no other tents and there’s a restraunt. and no signs in english (thankfully i can read the kana, but unfortunately not the kanji) so i saw something that said camp, so finally after walking around a bit and determining that there was no where else to go, i went into the restraunt ot ask for help and low and behold- the restraunt doubles as the camp reception. so, i had a place to sleep. that was happy. although, i have to admit, that it was a little nerve racking the first night camping alone… by the time i went to sleep there were 2 other people camping BUT when i was walking to the store at about 8:30 a car with 2 guys saw me walking, stopped and got out of the car and came over to were i was… got the “where are you from? are you alone? where are you staying? and walking alone at night is dangerous!! do you want to go out for a drink?” well… i was caught a bit by suprise… and at first when i was asked if i was alone, i said yes, and i’m camping. STUPID!! well, they asked again and i said yes i’m taking a walk alone and my friend is sleeping at the camp. anyway after talking to the for a bit they offered me a ride back to the camp- said no- and started heading back. and then when i got to the road to the camp, there was a car waiting on the opposite side of the street (think it was the two of them, didn’t see any other cars on the way back) and then it left when i turned into the camp… little creepy. probably they were fine and more concerned for my safety than anything else, but… still… so, lol- i ended up jumping at noises all night. texted my mom at one point to tell her i was on the island and mentioned i was having a bit of trouble sleeping… and i get a text back about how she loves me and she doesn’t want me to die and she wants to see me again and she doesn’t want to tell me what to do, but is backpacking alone really a good idea… lol. love my mom, and i know she loves me too… she just worries so much! but it did help to talk to her. have to laugh at myself a bit now- i ended up reading and eating a whole chocolate bar in order to relax enough to go to sleep!!

so i mentioned i was going to go backpacking. this is the trail i was going to start out on and its a good thing i didn’t do it!! when i started out on it, a couple people told me it was a difficult trail. well, figured that difficult was ok and i’d just hike for a few hours… wenk about a half a mile and then the trail was roped off! well… i ducked under and about 200 meters later… nope. no trail. really good thing i wsan’t trying to backpack that! lolbut- it was a really pretty trail for that half a mile.

and this is where i ended up hiking after the above mentioned trail. it was fantastic!! lol- and i didn’t see a single person. just me and deer. it had been WAY too long since i’d been hiking- i forgot how much i loved doing it!! and this place was absolutely georgous… just about everything was covered in moss and it followed a little stream… just fantastic.

and here is a pic of the mountains. this is back at the aborted hike- the hike started at an onsen (hot spring) and a had heard from people that it was a great onsen… only problem was that it was so hot i couldn’t get into it!! lol- but the view to and from the place was great. just too bad it took so long to get to!

this is inakahama… great beach and almost no one! i went sucba diving earlier that day (and to an onsen, but that one i could get into!) and then came here. fabulous. absolutely fabulous. the water was clear and warm and there were some fish… not tons, but enough to make it fun.  hehe… and i got to swim in a school of fish! and i was chasing them. that was so so so much fun… next place i live is going to havea great beach and a good place to swim in the ocean- that was heaven!!

this in on the way to “jomon sugi” the largest tree on the island. basically thst’s what this island is famous for- bit trees. and if any of you have seen “Princess Mononoke” this island was the inspiration for the movie. i will have to say though, that the japanese are crazy when it comes to hiking!! the bus to this place (the ONLY bus to this place) left at 5:30 in the morning- yuk!! and there ware SO SO SO many people!! i couldn’t handle it, so i passed almost everyone and then it was great. had a lot of the place to myself. it was really sweet though, there was a japanses guy who was hiking at the same pace i was… and anytime there was a sign telling which trail to take, he always pointed out the correct path. i just thought it was really sweet… lol- couldn’t help but remember a someone’s blog about remembering wonderful men… so much fun on this hike! but man, i was also so glad to be off my feet by the end of it

and this was the last place i went hiking. i think the pic pretty much speaks for itself.

Fabulous time for the most part- and i’ve got to get out hiking more often!! so… that’s all for the vacation… and for those of you that read the last blog, thanks for the comments and support!!

just feeling crappy. sometimes, many times, i just feel like i’m not really important to anyone. last night my boyfriend came over (2 hours later than expected) and, not suprisingly, i was a little unhappy. so… his reaction? he wanted to go home. what the hell? just say “i’m sorry” and at least half mean it. anyway- so i open my mouth at one point and say i’m just not that important to you, am i? and he sits and thinks for a minute, then, (if my japanese is correct, which i think it is) he comes out with, not so important. well, thanks!! i feel a bit like shit. hell, feels like the only person that’s truely ever loved me (and thankfully still does) is my dad. mom… well, i know she loves me, but i think a part of her really doesn’t like me as well. i remember there was one time i was looking at some of the jewelry in her jewelry box… and there was a cameo i was holding. and i don’t know what prompted it, but she looks at it, and she looks at me, “it’s real, and it’s expensive, so you’ll probably like it now, won’t you?” well. shit. thanks! that really hurt. i know i have a weak spot for pretty things- and i love old jewelry and pottery, but hell, it’s not that it’s expensive, it’s that i think it’s facinating. and i remember she told me once that if i was the first child, i would have been the only child. lol- that one… i can’t blame her too much though. i know i was a pain to deal with!! and when she said it… she wasn’t angry, she was saying how she felt. she forgot about that though. mentioned it to her one time and she felt horrible for saying it… that i just thought was funny. and… another time… there is a bracelet of hers that i’ve liked since i was a child. i think i was the same time as the cameo, but anyway, she knows i like it and she said that she would leave that to me in her will. didn’t ask for it. anyway, maybe 6 months? 3 months? after, don’t really remember, we were cleaning up and her jewelry drawr was ont of the things being cleaned- and that bracelet was gone! i said something to her about it… i know how important that bracelet is to her… she says that she hid it. doesn’t remember exactly why. says she thinks that one of our relatives was coming over (who has a habit of “bororwing” things) and she didn’t want it stolen… but i don’t remember her mentioning our relative was going to visit in that time period (lol- don’t know if that makes sense…) and i can’t help thiking… maybe she was hiding it from me? i don’t know. i would NEVER steal from her… and the thought she thinks that little of me is sad… i don’t know. i don’t think i would question her explaination if it wern’t for the coment about the cameo. maybe i’m jumping to conclusions here, but… sometimes i just can’t help but feel a little not wanted by her. don’t get me wrong, 95% of the time, things are great, but just somtimes i really feel not wanted. 

there have been a few blogs about “what lies do you tell yourself” and i think that ”nobody really cares about me” is my lie… trouble is, i don’t really believe it is a lie. and… there are tons of other things/incidents that have helped reinforce this mom, other family members, friends, ex-boyfriends, roommates… and i think that this feeling of worthlessness is definately one of the roots of my problems… just not sure how to get over it.

anyway!! sorry to have such a crappy blog, but i need to get this stuff out- i need to deal with my issues and i don’t have anyone else to talk to… so for those of you who have stuck around and read all this- thank you for listening! lol- feel a bit better getting that out. Hope everyone has a great day and i’ll try to be more upbeat next blog! :D 

well… food today was crap. way way way to many carbs (and not the good kind) no self control, cake AND chocolate. humm… not good. i did get in 45 minutes of cardio and i’m going on a 3k jog after this blog, but ENOUGH! my goal for this week is once again to eat a cup of veggies every day and NO empty calories. and lots of water. as for exercise- 50k on my bike, 8k in the pool, 20k jog and dvd’s at least 3 times. may be a little excessive, but i can do it and i need to get back on track!!