inspiration08

not a whole lot to say today. had a pretty good day as far as a day went, but probably not the best for losing weight- but recently, whats new about that? lol. but, i got to talk to the BF about and i think i’m in a bit- no i know i’m in- a better place as far as that relationship is concerned, which is making me quite happy.

lol- the food today might not have been the best of all choices, but i have to admit, to was fantastic and i loved every bite of it. and honestly, i think more than the food its the lack of exercise thats really getting to me at the moment. and really, i’ve got tons of excueses as to why i haven’t been better about it, but thats all they really are- excueses. i did go on a half an hour walk, which was good, but i know i’m capable of a lot more. so for food- about 3/4 cup vegetable curry and naan, chai, 3 cups of coffee with cream, green thai curry with rice, (about 1/3 cup white rice, i think? and maybe 1/2 cup curry? i’m totally guessing on this), thai sausage, pineapple fried rice 1 cup?, pennywort juice, a cup of soy milk with soba honey and about 5 cherry tomatos and a glass of grapefruit juice. well, i can’t say i ate so healthy, but it wasn’t terrible either, and lol- i can’t say i’m upset about any of it- i just wish i would have exercised more.

I HATE WASTING TIME!!!!  and it kinda seems like that was about today. which is my own fault- i should have been more vocal about what i wanted to do. lesson for next time.  last night i went to take out the garbage and that turned into a 45 minute walk… lol. so that was nice. but then today… craptacular. thats about all i have to say about that. food was garbage and exercise was jack shit… i’m tired of this!! ENOUGH!

i had a banana/soymilk/pb smoothis for breakfast, sushi (10 pieces) and miso soup for lunch, then ramen and fried rice for dinner. and i had most of a scoop of ice cream. and i didn’t even like it! enough of this crap. form now on, people can just deal with my eating habits and what i want to do. i’m going for a walk.

well, overall the day was ok, but what i ate was garbage. can’t have too many (or ANY) more of these days. started out with a pb/banana/soy milk smoothie and half an english muffin and coffee, then for lunch i went to an itallian restaurant and got the “set” lunch there- some appetisers, 6 small pieces of food- veggies, chicken and some unidentified substance- all quite tasty and probably not too bad for me, then came a couple slices of white bread and pasta. i wasn’t sure what i was ordering (too much kanji and kana and couldn’t/didn’t read it all) and ended up ordering some fabulous bally things that i’m sure were terrible for me in some cream sauce (about the most unhealthy choice, no?) and ate almost all of it, then came dessert and coffee- tiramisu and a bit of coconut ice cream. all in all, i figured this wasn’t great but in and of itself it wasn’t going to hurt too much. and probably i wouldn’t have, but then i went to work and got hungry- so i went down to the conbenie (convenience store) and got a bottle of juice (100% juice, 350 mL) and some chestnuts (all in all about and then a student brought in some sweets from his trip to tokyo- sweet black sesame cake egg things a- not sure how else to describe it- each one a little over an inch long and i was still hungry so i had one of those, and then i went on break for dinner- i figured i ate like garbage so i should have a lite dinner, so i had the other half of the english muffin with pb and half an apple with a little pb, went back to work and lacked all willpower and ate ANOTHER of the stupid (but oh so tasty) black sesame egg cake things, and then came home had a cup of soy milk with soba honey and a handfull of cherries, had an online japanese class and totally intended on going for a walk after that… then i got sucked into talking to a friend and now its 1 am! grrr!!! not happy with myself today! i’m thinking about going for a half hour walk… but man, i’m tired. i think i might just go for a walk in the morning then go swimming in the afternoon. but good grief today was garbage and i don’t want to end it with eating bad AND no exercise.  

well, all in all yesterday went pertty well. i managed to drag my butt to the pool and get in 2k in 45 minutes, so i was happy about that. and since i biked to the pool, i also got in an hour and 20 minute bike ride

as for food, i think i did ok in that department as well. one and a half english muffins with pb, a pb and banana smoothie, rice with cherries, pine nuts, dried pear and dried fig, a salad, watermellon, and three slices of pizza (which i think is about the equivalent of one slice of thin crust in the US) and tons of water. and coffee. always coffee.

well, i can’t say i managed all the goals i wrote down last night, but i did manage three of the four so thats at least a step in the right direction. i got in the hour walk, i drank the 2 liters of water and i didn’t eat any sweets! didn’t get in the 15 minutes of cardio though. :(  the last few days i’ve really been in a funk… just really, really unhappy. then i read something on a website about why nice guys don’t ever keep the girls (lame place for inspiration, i know) but to quote that “things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value… and its human nature.” and somehow, that just sort of helped me snap out of it. i’d been somewhat depressed about the relationship i’m in, and i know that that was affecting my mood, but i also know that i have the tendency to be way too accomodating and “nice” at times. not saying i want to turn into a bitch, but it just sort of… gave me the feeling that i need to be more honest with myself about what i want. giving and caring and compassion are, for me, very highly valued characteristics but i also need to take care of myself. i’m not sure if any of this makes any sense, and i’m not doing such a great job explaining my thoughts concerning this, but for the time being, it seemed to help. and that was definately something i needed.

on another note- i remembered again today just how much i really do like walking. i went for a walk at 11 tonight (maybe not the smartest thing to do, but hey- japan is safe! lol- right?) and i realized i just need to stop trying to force myself to do exercise i don’t like. i don’t like running. i never have. but for some reason, i feel i should be running if i’m going to lose any weight. and thats just stupid. probably i’ll keeping trying it occationally- i really would like to try a triathalon and running is definately a part of that, but… its not the only  activity thats beneficial for weight loss.

i’ve also noticed i’m a lot happier when i have healthy food that i love eating! i made soy milk/ banana/ peanut butter smoothie this morning and it was fantasic! made some rice stuff today that was rather craptacular and realized i’m happy to eat smaller portions of food that i really enjoy (and no, i’m not talking about cake and sweets- there is healthy food thats not exactly low cal) so i just need to figure out what some more of those foods are. slow and steady, eh? well, whatever works. losing all the weight i want in 3 months would be great and i’m sure i could do that, but i think i’d be cutting out way too much food i really enjoy and for me, i think thats one of the keys to failure. i’d be nice to lose more than 1 pound a week, but i think i’d rather up the exercise than severely restrict my food. with that said, i think i still have room for improvement in the food department.

ok- so onto my daily food log- banana/ soy milk/ peanut butter smoothie, salad (lettuce, carrots, corn, tomato, bell pepper, salsa and avacado), brown rice with tofu, kimchi and “mountain vegetables” mixes in (not  reccomended! at least, not the way i did it this time!), juice, brown rice with pineapple, cherries, dried fig, dried pear and cashews mixed in and a cup of soy milk with soba honey mixed in (and no- this doesn’t count as a sweet for me!! lol) and i got in about an hour and ten minutes walk and about 10 minutes on my bike today.

well, thats it for me. hope everybodys doing great and i’ll be back again tomorrow!

i have a couple goals for myself for today:  1. no sweets  2. drink at least 2 liters of water  3. do 15 minutes of cardio  4. walk for at least one hour

i posted yesterday about thinking about what it is i want to do with myself- i have a couple ideas, and have had them for a while so here’s a really incomplete idea- 1. open a coffee shop  2. try to do what i can to save the environment (lol- now there’s a precise goal, eh?) 3. go back to school and get a degree in physics and try to get a job doing something with that  4. crap i just forgot what it was! lol- couldn’t have been too important then, now could it? ah, thats right- open a language school  5. stay in japan and open my own english conversation school. ok. so there are some of the ideas that i have for the moment. i want to write a lot more about them, but for the time being i think that is going to have to suffice.

LOL- well, i set those goals and i blew tham all! i suck!! i was doing ok this morning- i went for a 30 minute walk with the intention of doing the other 30 after i got home, but that just didn’t happen. i don’t think i manages to get in 1 liter of water, much less 2, and i did nothing for cardio and i shared half an anko (sweet bean paste) croissant with my student during the lesson with him. and i had a frozen matcha drink from seattle’s best during the lesson as well. well, shit!! so much for today. ok, for the other things i ate- maybe about 3/4 cup uncooked brown rice (of course i ate it after i cooked it- lol) with some veggies (eggplant, mushroome and green peppers), some pine nuts and dried fruit and a cup of soy milk with honey. oh yeah, and i forgot a bag of chestnuts (maybe 8 of them?) and about a half cup of some kind of melon.

i stopped planning out my food lately. for a while i was writing out a meal plan so i had an idea of what i was going to eat- that made it a lot easier. i think i’m going to do that again tonight for tomorrow and see how that goes. and lol- i’ll have the same goals for tomorrow as i had for today. but this time i will make all of them!!

i’m not happy at the moment.  just kind of seems like nothing is quite the way it should be at the moment. i feel isolated and… i dunno… lonely? just not happy at the moment. there are definately moments when things are great, but i’ve noticed in the past couple weeks, i’ve had very little motivation to do anything, work has seems to just be a pain (usually i really like it) and tonight after work i came home and just sleppt. i was thinking about going to the pool, then kind of decided against it and fell asleep. i’m losing focus again. i’m just not sure what i need to be doing… a month ago, i was seriously thinking about the future and what i wanted to be doing… now though, it seems like all i’m focusing on is the relationship i’m only kind of in and is going nowhere. why? whats going on with me? and how am i going to pull myself out of this funk? i know if i exercise i feel better, so then why am i so resistant to doing it lately? i know i shouldn’t eat cake or sweets if i want to lose weight, so why am i eating more junk again? is this comfort eating again? its not much… a small thing here or there, but in the past few days, i’ve eaten some sweet every day. i don’t like it. LOL- and just as i was writing this i was thinking about what sweet stuff i have in the apartment b/c just a small piece wouldn’t hurt… lol- not what i need to be doing.

usually it seems like after lunch at work i’ve been starving after about an hour or so, but today i had a bowl of pasta (bit more than i usually eat) and it held me through the whole day- that was nice, but i’m not so sure that its good for weight loss. breakfast… i had coffee and a blueberry/soy milk/ banana smoothie and pudding (maybe about a fourth of a cup?),  i had some fruit before lunch and after i got home i had a bit of cake- maybe about a 2 inch by 1 inch piece? and some soy milk with honey… WAY too much sugar for the day. about a week… probably comfort eating. about a week and a half ago things seems to change with me and the guy i’m seeing (its been a sometimes rocky relationship for about 2 years)… humm… guess i need to be a bit stronger about not eating the sugar and getting out and exercising. and reassess what it is i want to be doing. 

someone asked a question about what do you see yourself doing in the next 5 years (or something to that extent) and honestly… i have no idea. about a month ago, i had a couple ideas in mind- now, all i seem to be thinking about is wanting a family and it doesn’t seem like thats ever going to happen… family means more than just me and i can’t control what other people want or what other people do… and focusing on starting a family doesn’t seem to help me too much. ok, doesn’t help me at all. i guess… just need to figure out what i’m going to be doing on my own then… but damn, that just makes me so sad… i feel like i’m giving up the possibility of being with anyone long term… i’ve worked myself into a bit of a problem, haven’t i? lol- right. i can do something about me, and thats all i can do. and i know i love teaching here in japan, but i also know i don’t want this to be a forever thing. in april i’m leaving here… and i want a plan for what i’m going to do next by november. ok- well, thats not much, but its a start. lol- and tomorrow i think i’m going to start thinking about possibilities. i think i should appologise in advance- probably most of that thinking will be done on this website and i’m not sure how interesting it’ll be… i like writing things out and somehow feeling like i’m writing to someone makes things a lot more motivating than just writing to myself… well, for those that kept reading, thanks for listening!

today was pretty good afterall. not the best as for the diet (pizza and cake) but i got in a good swim and the rest of the night wasn’t too bad. more than anything though, i’m just happy when i’m not sitting around my apartment doing nothing. and its not even like it needs to be anything exciting- i spent tonight cooking and doing laundry and that kind of thing… but its just so nice not to be sitting around on my butt being useless all day. i feel better when i’m not lazy, so then why is it that getting out the door sometimes is just so difficult? i still haven’t figured that one out.

right- so my log for the day- pizza (5 inch? 6 inch?) half without the cheeze, coffee, cake, taco salad (lol- not as bad as it sounds- it was only avacado, lettuce, salsa, tomato and the shell. which i know the shell isn’t healthy, but i’m  not worrying about it) some fruit and a cup of soy milk with some honey. and the 2 mile swim and maybe 20 minutes on my bike?

i’m not going too fast with this. at this rate, its going to take me about 5 months to get to where i want to be (i only have about 20 more pounds i want to lose) but, if i can kep making progress, thats the important part. and  i know i can keep up what i have been doing. i’ve been loosing some weight, and i haven’t felt like i’m depriving myself and i haven’t felt the need to rebell… i suppose though, i do need to try to eat more veggies and make better choices about eating the stuff that isn’t so great for me. i’m not saying i’m going to stop eating it all together, but i do need to make better choices. 5 months. not so long! i know i can do this but it sure will be nice when i can look in the mirror and see the difference…

hope everyone has a great weekend!

well, finally today i did a weigh in. when i started on this site, i guessed at my weight. i figured that i probably weighed no more than 60 kilos, so i put that into the weight tracker. well, i was wrong. i was more like 61 and change. i’m now at 58.8, so thats about 4 pounds, i think? thats great, but sometimes i feel like i’m never going to get there. i went to the gym and swam for about 1 1/2 hours (3 kilometers/2 miles) but… i also ate like crap. i had some pizza before i went swimming- i was starving and there wasn’t anything on the menu that looked good or too healthy, so i finally settled on a pizza. after eating about half of it i decided i really didn’t like the cheese on it, so i pulled it all off and just ate the bread. still though, not too healthy. and after comming home… lol- a piece of cake and some coffee. my excuese for that was that it was a present for my boyfriend’s trip to tokyo (sweets are a rather common souviner here) and the package he gave me had 5 pieces in it… i gave three away to coworkers, but i just felt too bad giving it all away… so i finally caved and ate it. my other excuese was that it was taking up room in the fridge (which is tiny) so i was really just “cleaning up”. pathetic excuese, no? i didn’t want to eat a meal b/c i’m thinking of going to what they call a “family restraunt” and getting a salad and studying for a bit, but i need to go to the hardware store first, so i decided something small would be good to tie me over… lol- i’m hopeless!! not too sure what to do with myself. but then i think i’m exercising more and overall i’m eating a bit better, so its not too bad… lol- just can’t seem to make up my mind on this, can i? i dunno.

i’m tired!!! lol- i think i need to eat more- i just realized all i’ve had today was coffee, an eggplant (japanese eggplant- i think its about 1/3 the size of the ones we get in the US) half a bell pepper, a soy joy bar and some juice. and about a handfull of dries cranberries. umm… not so good. and i walked for about a half hour today. no wonder i’m feeling like crap. i think i’m going to have some soy milk with honey and call it a night.